


I'm scared of what you’re becoming

by endlessblu



Series: tumblr ficlets/prompts [3]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Minor Violence, One Shot, Prologue, Slavery, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessblu/pseuds/endlessblu
Summary: Xianen was once a Jedi, but the Jedi never came back for her.A prologue to the Sith Inquisitor class story, written for a tumblr prompt. Contains references to slavery and violence.
Series: tumblr ficlets/prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900717
Kudos: 6





	I'm scared of what you’re becoming

Wake. Eat. Work. Meditate. Sleep. Repeat. 

A routine to stick to, if not one of Xianen's choosing. But it was a structure at least, some kind of stability to focus upon to stay the good young Jedi she was supposed to be. 

But the Jedi still weren't coming. 

Wake. Eat. Work. Meditate. Sleep. Repeat. 

Every single day, exactly the same from beginning to end, ever since the ship landed. The favourites were hand-picked, the others sent to suffer. Force-sensitive playthings, their lives controlled by the whims of their masters in the hope that with the right prodding eventually sparks would fly out, and if not they could be disposed of. Training dummies for the _real_ force users, made to face up with little more than a stick whilst the Sith were given blades. 

Wake. Eat. Work. Meditate. Sleep. Repeat. 

Part of the routine eroded over time with the realisation that meditation rarely offered a means of solving her problems. The Jedi might have taught her it would, but what good were the Jedi if they couldn't even save a ship full of children? She waited, until time lost its meaning, and even then they never came. Forgotten younglings, left to their own devices and the promise that 'the force will be there to guide you' as some laughable source of comfort. The words grew even more hollow with every passing day. The force wasn't with her now, it couldn't be. It wouldn't send these innocents into slavery, wouldn't leave them behind without any attempts of rescue. 

Fantasising gradually replaced meditation. What was the difference, really, if it helped to clear the mind, settle it, refocus it. Dreaming, sometimes of escape, always of revenge. Somehow it proved more effective than meditation ever had. Provided focus, channelled it into strength, turning that into power. A means to fight back, turn that revenge into a reality. 

It stopped mattering who it was directed at. The Sith? The tormentors that threw her down every day, kicking her whilst her face was buried in the ground until someone different came back up. But at least with them she was seen, even if it was to a constant chorus of sneers and snarls. 

The Jedi? They'd forged her chains and run away. 

When the first spark licked at her fingertips, it brought a sense of clarity. This is _true_ power. And nobody could take this away. This was _her_ leash to hold.

The Jedi would say she'd fallen, succumbed to the seductive powers of the dark side. _No._ That would imply it wasn't her choice, that it was an accident, that someone else made it happen. 

She _wanted_ this. This was something she could actually control. The golden glint that had started to appear in her eyes wasn't a curse, it was a promise. Of what she would be, what she could make herself. Not the product of someone else. 

Her past self whispered in her ear, not quite a memory, a twisted dream of what she left behind.

_I'm scared of what you're becoming._

Her own voice spoke back, a voice now cold and confident, clear and true. 

_You should be._


End file.
